I’ve finally arrived at the point in BJJ where I rarely feel anxiety concerning the techniques, because I can usually execute them now (even if they’re new to me), and nothing seems as complicated as it used to be. So, I was feeling pretty relaxed when I went to the advanced last night, but then Professor Greg said “I think we’ll do some stand up”, and Tumbleweed responded with “Cool!”, but my reaction was more like “NOOOOOOOOO!”. I almost had a panic attack, and I can’t remember the last time we practiced throwing, or started sparring from standing in the advanced classes, since it’s rare (but I’m fine with that ;). I even managed to get out of Throwing Sunday in Ethridge class at the dojo this month, because my husband has a rib injury, which actually occurred while he was being thrown (but not by me).
I was still in panic mode when it came time to partner up last night, but thankfully Danger chose to work with me, so I breathed a sigh of relief. Contrary to his nickname, David is a safe training partner, so I truly appreciated that he was there for me. Despite the fact that the worst injury I’ve received in Jiu-Jitsu (a broken wrist) happened as a result of being thrown, I know that my fear of throwing (or rather, falling) is somewhat irrational, but it’s easier to overcome when I have an experienced partner who helps me feel at ease.
I did feel a little stupid and uncoordinated when we were drilling the throws, and that could’ve been partially due to nerves, but my technique improved with practice. During the stand up sparring at the end of class, I was more tired than I usually am when rolling, but then I realized that I was holding my breath, so I just tried to relax. I wasn’t able to get any throws on anyone (I lack confidence and my posture sucks), but I also didn’t get thrown much (Throwing Sundays have probably helped with that). I really only remember going down twice, and the falling wasn’t bad at all.
I guess throwing is one of my final frontiers of fear in Jiu-Jitsu, and although I would prefer to avoid it altogether (in guard we trust! ;), I know it’s a useful skill to have, so I want to be comfortable with it, at the very least. I’m not sure if we’re going to practice throwing again in the advanced class tomorrow night, and if we do, I might experience some fear, but I’ll stand up to it!
“When I move you move (just like that)” -Ludacris