When I first started training Jiu-Jitsu, sometimes I would drive to the dojo and sit outside in my Jeep, trying to work up the nerve to go inside, and most of the time I succeeded, but once in awhile I would end up driving back home, where I would proceed to beat myself up for not having the courage to attend class that day. I’m not even sure how I managed to not quit in those early times, but now whenever I’m having difficulty finding the motivation to train, I just remind myself that Jiu-Jitsu will never again be as hard for me as it was back then.
I’ve been feeling tired this week, so not only was I unmotivated to go to the advanced gi classes (but I did), I also wanted to drop out of rolling (but I didn’t). I had to dig deep to make it through the classes on Monday and Wednesday, but surprisingly, I ended up having a couple of my better days in sparring. Maybe it was because I was too tired to overthink, but I felt like things were clicking for me.
Even if my performance had totally stunk, it would’ve still been better than driving home in fear and not training at all (like I used to do), so through all my struggles, my motivation may sometimes waver, but my dedication never has. When I began my Jiu-Jitsu journey, I thought it would just be temporary (until I felt “comfortable” on the ground, but one thing I’ve learned in BJJ is that if you’re comfortable, you’re probably doing it wrong ;), yet seven years later, my appetite for grappling seems to know no end.
“Like a river that don’t know where it’s flowing, I took a wrong turn and I just kept going.” -Bruce Springsteen