The Bitch is Back

"Your fears, your insecurities, your anxieties, your sadness. Jiu-Jitsu will reach inside and rip them out." -Saulo RibeiroI quit Jiu-Jitsu after the advanced class last night, and the quitting lasted less than an hour, but it involved me throwing some things around my house before it was over. My reasons for wanting to give up didn’t have anything to do with my performance, they were the same things that usually make me want to quit, which are my interactions with other people. It really is difficult enough for me as a shy introvert to train so closely with others without having to deal with the people whose egos are more important to them than my safety, the ones who get angry when I try to help them or when I beat them, the ones who patronize me, bully me, or don’t respect me or my belt.

Believe it or not, not everyone I train with likes me or wants me to be there, and I’m actually used to it because I’ve been doing this for a long time, so I try to not take anything personally, but sometimes it gets to me, and I wonder why I’m paying money to be treated like shit by them. I know some women in martial arts who’ve been training longer than me, and they have reputations as “bitches”, but now I understand why, because they never would’ve lasted if they didn’t stand up for themselves.

I didn’t stick with the quitting yesterday because first of all, I seem to be incapable of walking away from Jiu-Jitsu, and secondly, I understood that I was letting a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch again, because the vast majority of the people I train with are really super awesome. I also realized that during class last night I actually had a lot of fun when I rolled with someone who I used to think was basically being a jerk to me. He was previously one of my least favorite people to roll with, and whenever The Professor was assigning rolls, in my head I would be saying “Not him, not him!”, but I guess Greg just heard “Him, him.”, and he would always pair us together. Then somewhere along the lines, I improved from him pushing me, so I begun to appreciate him, and he started to respect me in return. I never thought that one day I might even enjoy rolling with him, but I did last night, so I suppose things can only get better, as long as I don’t give up.

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4 comments on “The Bitch is Back

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