The Real Me

I went back to my mother, I said, “I’m crazy, ma, help me.”
She said, “I know how it feels, son, ’cause it runs in the family.” -The Who

My husband said that if I keep writing about my successes in Jiu-Jitsu, then The Sharks are going to think that I am getting overconfident and cut me down to size, but I told him that I wasn’t really worried about it, because first of all I don’t think that many of them read my blog, and second, they already cut me down to size on a regular basis! I frequently roll with The Sharks, so they know better than anyone that I spend the majority of my existence in BJJ getting my ass handed to me.

Not sure if I'm just really weak, or if my technique just sucks.

Both?

The successes that I write about really only comprise a small percentage of my rolling experiences, but I’ve been mainly trying to focus on them in order to keep myself from getting discouraged, because it can be difficult to grasp my own progress when I still spend a lot of my time tapping. Since I’m no longer allowed to say that I suck at Jiu-Jitsu (or Savage Kitsune will call me out on it ;), acknowledging my successes can help me prove to myself that I don’t, so what is really going on when I just focus on the positives is that I’m being my own “hype woman”. I can still feel utterly defeated after BJJ class, and if I kept it totally real on this blog, my posts would occasionally sound something like this:

I suck more than anyone ever! I must be crazy to not quit, because all I’m ever going to do is get beat!

I stopped believing for a little while this morning. Journey is gonna be so pissed when they find out.Sometimes it does feel wrong to write about my successes, because it seems like I’m bragging, and I can’t always accept the success myself. I only get one sub to about every fifty times I get submitted, but I thought I shouldn’t have written about getting one in my last post, and that it didn’t really count, because my partner was probably taking it easy on me, and that somehow I wasn’t even responsible for it, it was only due to The Professor’s coaching.

I believe that The Sharks who do read my blog might actually be happy that I’ve stopped being so negative. After I rolled with Mike on Wednesday, he told me that he was glad I didn’t seem to be worrying about how I was doing, or getting upset with myself, and I don’t think there is anyone who has cut me down to size more often than he has (and he’s not even that much bigger than me ;).

“The ass-kickings will continue until you figure out how to make them stop.” -Professor Greg

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5 comments on “The Real Me

  1. I’ve been playing and playing hard with white belts lately and I think it has helped my game, not sure if you showed that article or not. I have always been timid with smaller and or white belts, not really going for anything, less pressure etc, but I made an adjustment to be more focused and more aggressive.

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