“I know you want to leave me, but I refuse to let you go.” -The Temptations
During the warm-ups in the advanced class on Wednesday, I admitted to Conan and Professor Greg that even though I know I’m supposed to alternate sides on the back rolls, I usually only roll over my right shoulder, because it feels super awkward on the left, and Greg said “Gina, don’t make me take a stripe away from you!”. I probably should’ve begged him not to, but I just responded that one of my stripes was falling off anyway.
When it first started coming off, I told Bhuvana that I thought it was rejecting me, and she said “Stop saying that!”, but I actually think it’s cool that it’s falling off, because it shows that it’s gotten some wear. I worked too hard for it to just let it go, and I don’t want to replace it, so I reattached it with some more tape.
I once read a post on Georgette’s blog where she talked being so disappointed with her performance that after class she tore the stripes off of her belt, because she felt like she didn’t deserve them, and there have definitely been times during my training where I could relate, but these days I don’t want my stripes to fall off, and I sure as hell don’t want The Professor to take them away from me, so I guess I do believe that I deserve them. I think Professor Greg’s threat to take a stripe away was not entirely empty, I feel as though he would actually do it if he really thought I shouldn’t have it, and that’s what I tell myself on those days when I want to tear my stripes off, because the person who gets to decide if I’m worthy of my belt and stripes isn’t me, it’s Greg, and he certainly knows better than I do.
Except for The Professor threatening to unstripe me, I actually had a great class on Wednesday…up until the very end. During my final roll of the night, I didn’t tap fast enough to an armbar, and my elbow got tweaked, but looking on the bright side, I’m glad it happened at the end of class, so I didn’t miss out on anything. Also, it doesn’t hurt all of the time, only when I try to use it! I’ve been taking care of it the best I can, and begging it to please heal as quickly as possible, because I’m not interested in taking time off, but to end on a positive note, at least Greg can’t take my stripes away if I’m not there!