“Oh this uncertainty, is taking me over.” -Portishead
Many of the Jiu-Jitsu blogs I’ve enjoyed through the years have stopped posting, or at least stopped writing about their personal experience, and although I miss reading them, I can’t really blame them, because I’ve been seriously considering doing the same. When I first started this blog, I felt like I had nothing to lose, but that’s not the case anymore.
It’s almost inevitable that there will be people who are going to misunderstand or dislike something I write, and take it the wrong way, or be offended, so I’ve always tried to be positive with what I say, particularly when writing about other people, but I can’t control how it may be perceived, so I just follow the saying “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” Everything I write is true, and if something seems unkind, it’s probably just me teasing someone, because I like to joke around, but really, nothing about this blog is necessary. It’s basically just my personal training diary, and sometimes I’m not sure if it’s worth sharing anymore.
When it comes down to it, I write this blog for myself, because I enjoy it, and it helps me deal with my feelings about my training, but I share it with the hope that someone somewhere may be able to relate, and possibly even be encouraged or entertained by something I say. I don’t think anyone is ever going to learn anything from it, and I’m not trying to be a role model, but I’ve hoped that if someone is going through the same struggles that I am, then reading about my experiences may make them feel less alone, just like some of the other blogs that I’ve read have done for me.
I have received far more positivity than negativity in response to this blog, but the negative attention makes me question whether I want to continue, because I feel as though sharing my private thoughts in such a way makes it too easy for people to judge me, without really understanding where I’m coming from. However, I would rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I am not, so for now I think I’m just going to keep sharing, and hope that people can at least give me the benefit of the doubt, because when this blog is over, I don’t want it to be because I fear judgement.