In order to break out of the Jiu-Jitsu funk that I’ve been in lately, I decided to try mixing up my usual routine by skipping the advanced class on Monday night, and attending yesterday’s beginner class at noon instead, and it was a nice change of pace. It was cool to not feel like I was on the bottom of the food chain for a change (like I usually do in the advanced class), and to have some successes during rolling. I was somewhat stressed because I ended up drilling with a white belt guy who I’d never met before (Anthony), but he turned out to be a good partner, and I felt safe (even during the throwing practice!).
I realized that much of the problem I’ve been experiencing recently in BJJ is due to the fact that I’ve lost my ability to trust some of the people I roll with. It took me a long time to be able to be comfortable rolling with anyone and everyone, and now I’m not sure how to get back to that. The fact is, I am just as safe now as I ever was, but I don’t always feel that way.
So, it was probably helpful for me to go to the beginner class yesterday and work with someone who I didn’t know, and nothing bad happened! I’m sure it’s still going to take awhile before I stop feeling like I’m in an ocean of anxiety during Jiu-Jitsu class, but as long as I keep swimming, hopefully I won’t drown.
“Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.” -Dory