My sore shoulder is still bothering me, so this week I went to BJJ class and carefully drilled, but I sat out of rolling. After I wrote my recent post about not liking to watch people roll when I can’t roll myself, I realized that it’s not just because I’m being a baby about not getting to feed my grappling addiction. I do enjoy watching my teammates roll, and I definitely learn things from it, but I think being left out reminds me of the early days of my Jiu-Jitsu training at the dojo, when I would often spend most of open mat just watching.
Back then, our rolls were not assigned, and because I was too shy and intimated to ask people to roll, and they rarely asked me, there were classes when I wouldn’t roll at all. Most days, I was lucky to have a partner for even half of the open mat time, and to put it as eloquently as I can, it sucked giant monkey balls!
I may have been nervous about it back in the day, but I still wanted to roll, and now that I’ve realized how much not rolling actually held me back in my training, I never want to go through that again. However, these days, the only time that I don’t roll is when it’s my choice, so I need to let those old insecurities go. Rolling is better than not rolling, but when I can’t roll, watching is better than nothing.
Even though I felt bad when I was convinced that people didn’t want to roll with me (and I’m still not sure they all do, but now the professor makes them!), in a way, I wanted to train even more. Due to my stubborn and rebellious nature, I was like “Oh, some of you guys don’t want me here? Well too bad, because you’re never getting rid of me, I’m going to keep training Jiu-Jitsu forever!”, and so far, I’ve stuck to it.
“Now I’ve had the time of my life, no I never felt like this before.
Yes I swear it’s the truth, and I owe it all to jiu-jitsu.” -Bill Medley