“Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.”

There’s a feature in the video game GTA V where you can slow down time, and I really wish I could use it when I’m rolling! My awareness and reaction times are much better than they used to be, but sometimes I still end up in situations and I think “Wait…what? How the hell did that happen?!”

For example, the other day when I was rolling with Conan, I somehow ended up sitting in his lap, and he was holding me, curled up, like a baby. The last thing I can remember before that happened was he was trying to take my back, and I thought I was doing a good job defending.

Nelson MuntzOnce he had me in his lap in the fetal position, I was afraid the next thing he was going to do was tie my arms and legs into a bow, as if I were a present! A small gift for The Professor, perhaps? Conan: “Here, I brought you a blue belt.”, Greg: “Thanks, but I think this one is broken.”

Instead of tying me into a bow, CoCo actually put me in a crucifix (for the millionth time!), but I said “Not today!”, and I kept fighting it. Then just when it seemed like all hope was lost, the buzzer went off, and in my very best Nelson Muntz voice, I said  “Ha ha!” (but I’m sure I’ll pay for that teasing next time ;).

It would really be nice to able to slow down time when I grapple, because I need to figure out how people are able to get me into precarious positions without me realizing it’s coming. Of course, a lot of the time I know exactly what they’re trying to do, but I still can’t stop it! It’s especially disappointing when it happens against Conan, because he’s a total sloth (see video below), so I should be able to keep up! Then again, he’s very smooth and tricky.

When I’m rolling with Professor Greg, sometimes he will actually stop in the middle of the action and ask me “What should you be doing right now?”, and I always know, but I’m not always doing it, so it’s good to be reminded to focus. Lately I’ve been trying to slow down and do that for myself, because I still seem to have somewhat of a mind-body disconnect when I roll, and the more overwhelmed I feel, the worse it is. Thankfully I’ve been developing some good instincts, and now I don’t get lost nearly as often as I used to.

“So I can feel all I want to know. Slow, slow, I go with your flow.” -Depeche Mode

(I’m probably a fish, but I want to be a monkey!)


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