I Just Died In Your Arms

It probably seems like I write about every Jiu-Jitsu class I attend, but I don’t, because sometimes I have nothing to say, and other times I don’t want to talk about it. For example, Monday’s advanced class would fall under the category of “nothing to say”. It was a good class (we’ve been reviewing lasso guard techniques from the Tinguinha seminar, which is awesome), but I just feel meh about my part of it.

On the other hand, the advanced class on Wednesday night would be more along the lines of “don’t want to talk about it”, but I decided I’m going to do it anyway. If I had to choose one word to describe my grappling experience on Wednesday, it would be “ow”. I basically got beat every time, in every way, by everyone.

I was submitted so many times I can’t even remember them all! Tumbleweed scored the highest, he tapped me about six times between positional grappling and free-rolling. I can recall some kind of choke that he said he’s never gotten on anyone before (Mir choke?), a triangle, a wristlock, and at least one armbar. Plus he somehow did a backflip and took my back, and I also escaped an omoplata and a bow and arrow. I’m not sure of the last thing he did (triangle from the back?), but our roll left me feeling like I was going to throw up.

After that, Triple J, the guy who’s “not good at triangles”, subbed me with a triangle from mount, followed by a triangle from guard. There was probably also an omoplata or some other subs that I don’t remember, and our roll stopped abruptly towards the end, when I once again felt like I was going to vomit.

My final roll was with Beuller (who started training Jiu-Jitsu at the dojo even before Conan, but then he was gone for a long time), and I was actually doing okay until he eventually passed my guard and got me in side control, then I thought I was going to die, because I was literally gasping for breath. There was so much pressure that it felt as though if I was a piece of coal, he would’ve turned me into a diamond! I wanted to tap, but I forced myself to stay calm and work through it as I tried to escape, but I could barely move. I was blocking the mount, but when he succeeded in mounting me, I was actually relieved, because I could breathe again! In the end he submitted me with an ezekiel choke, but I fought it with everything I had.

A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.I hope it doesn’t come across as though I’m complaining about the amount of pressure Bueller used on me, because I’m not. He’s a good guy, and I could’ve asked him to lighten up, or just tapped to make it stop, but the reason I didn’t wasn’t because of pride. I believe experiencing things like that actually helps me learn to not panic, and it’s a good approximation of what a self-defense scenario could be like. Even though I felt like I was dying, Bueller wasn’t really trying to kill me, and I wasn’t in any real danger (I have no injuries, just normal soreness).

I already felt miserable before my last roll on Wednesday (although I never did throw up!), and part of me wanted to quit, but despite the painful nature of the roll, I’m still glad I went through with it, if only to prove to myself that I could. It seems like every time I start to feel like I’m developing some skills in Jiu-Jitsu, I have a day like Wednesday, which reminds me that I’m still just a bottom-feeder, and I’m happy to simply survive.

“And I don’t see an easy way to get out of this…” -Cutting Crew


4 comments on “I Just Died In Your Arms

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