On & On

“Oh what a day, what a day, what a day.” -Erykah Badu

Dear whatever doesn't kill me, I'm strong enough now. Thanks.On the way to the tournament…

I don’t think I can do this! I hope we run out of gas on the way there, or get a flat tire or something. I wish I’d never signed up!

At the venue before competing…

I’m never going to do this again! Can someone give me one good reason why I should go through with it? This was a terrible idea.

As soon as I started grappling…

All is well.

I have a tendency to over-analyze every little mistake after a competition, so I’m trying really hard to not do that this time, but I’d be lying if I said I was satisfied with my performance at the tournament last Saturday, because I think I could’ve done better. However, despite all of my complaining beforehand, I didn’t have a full-on panic attack like I did before the last tournament, so that was a definite improvement! Once I stepped on the mat, all of my fears went away, and it was the most calm and focused I’ve ever felt while competing.

I told Conan that I wasn’t joking when I said I was never going to compete again, and he said “Yeah, I retire after every competition, too.” My husband thinks I performed better at this tournament than I ever have before, but I’m still not satisfied. I don’t know if I can ever be happy with my performance (I’ve even been disappointed with myself when I won gold!), but as long as I keep improving, I’m probably not done trying to get it right. I’ve already learned some lessons from my mistakes, so there’s nothing left to do but move on and apply them.

“Peace and blessings manifest with every lesson learned.” -Erykah Badu

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