Sometimes I think I must be crazy to keep signing up for these damn BJJ tournaments, because I don’t have any business competing athletically against people who are half my age, and I’m too much of an introvert to ever be comfortable in a tournament atmosphere. It feels as though if the nervousness of competing doesn’t kill me, then the discomfort of being watched will!
People always tell me things like “Don’t worry, you’ll do fine.”, but how I perform is almost beside the point. Winning doesn’t really make me enjoy competing much more than losing does. Sure, it’s nice, but in no way does it make up for all of the stress!
So, what does make it worthwhile for me? Well, besides the potential to improve my Jiu-Jitsu, and the character-building that comes from facing my fears, I’m actually one of only a few female blue belts in Nebraska, and I think it’s important for us women to have a presence on the local competition scene.
To prove my point, any doubts I had (and there were many!) about whether it was a good idea for me to sign up for the Circle of Iron that is taking place tomorrow were lessened after the kids’ class at Lincoln BJJ on Monday. One of the girls, who will be competing for her first time, asked me if I was going to be at the tournament, and when I said “Yes, and I’m also competing.”, she literally jumped up in the air and screamed with excitement! That felt better to me than any medal I’ve ever won.
Maybe I am crazy to keep competing, or maybe competing drives me crazy, but I think a crazy woman is a better role model than a cowardly one. So, as much as I want to quit, I just keep going back for more!
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.”