Monday was a great day for me in BJJ, but Wednesday, not so much. My mind was preoccupied, and my partner seemed to be in a down mood. Nothing was going right, everything hurt, and my bad knee got tweaked a couple of different times. I opted out of the competition-style rolling during the last fifteen minutes of class, and then I felt like a wuss for doing so. I just simply couldn’t get my mojo working on Wednesday.
Still, it wasn’t a bad day, because I got to train, and I felt better after having gone to class than I would’ve if I hadn’t. I was just unsatisfied with myself and my performance, which really isn’t anything new.
It’s easy to keep a positive attitude when things go well, but when they don’t is when you really need it. I still go through times where I think “Why do I keep doing this to myself? I’m never going to be any good at Jiu-Jitsu, I’m not cut out for it, so I should just stop trying to fit this square peg into that round hole!”.
On days like that, I’m actually a little jealous of the people who are able to quit, because even on the rare occasions when I want to walk away, I can’t. Last week one of the white belts told me that they do BJJ because they love the way they feel when they’re on the mat, and that is exactly the same reason I’m still here. Besides all of the positive benefits I gain from training, the sheer awesomeness of rolling is something I just can’t get anywhere else. No matter how hard I get my ass kicked, I still love to grapple, and I only feel bad afterward, if I focus on my failures too much.
The fact is, I can never go back to the way I was before I started training BJJ, so if I ever quit, it would be the greatest failure of my life, and I would miss it terribly. Since I know I’m not getting out of it alive, I have to enjoy every day, even the tough ones.
“It’s not how good your Jiu-Jitsu is, but how good Jiu-Jitsu is for you.” -Caio Terra