Nobody’s Fault but Mine

The Professor is in Niagara Falls (because he’s getting married!), so The Barbarian taught at Lincoln BJJ Center on Wednesday. When we were stretching at the end of class, Conan said we should use that time to reflect on what happened when we were rolling. Here’s a sampling of my internal dialogue at the time:

I totally got my ass kicked…why do I suck so much? Posture! I can’t breathe…it’s so hot. Why do I keep doing stupid things…like trying to flying armbar Conan during our match in the kids’ class…that was fun, though, and I did get an advantage for it! I’m so tired! I’m tired because I suck…and it’s nobody’s fault but mine!

I rolled with Conan, Henry, Will, and Mike during the advanced class on Wednesday, and it was progressively worse each time! From what I can recall, I spent my entire roll with Conan failing to pass his guard, then Henry played some catch-and-release with me. After that, shit got real! Will took my breath away with a wicked choke, and for my final roll, I was thrashed in a Tumbleweed storm! My internal dialogue during that last roll with Mike? Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil…

My thoughts aren’t usually that negative at the end of class, but I was particularly frustrated that day, because I was feeling like I know BJJ better than I actually do it. One time when I was rolling with Greg, he pointed out that I kept leaning over when I was in his guard, and I said “I know I’m not supposed to do that!”, and he said “I know you know.”, with a look that indicated that was the main reason he was disappointed that I kept doing it.

Stupidity: sometimes you have to learn the hard wayDespite my negative assessment at the end of class on Wednesday, I also did a lot of good things, and I’ve come a long way on fixing my bad habits. It just bothers me when I keep making the same mistakes, and don’t always realize it. That’s particularly dangerous when I’m rolling with someone like Mike, because he’s quite willing to teach me those lessons the hard way, but I think that’s probably exactly what it’s going to take to get me to truly learn them once and for all!

“Devil he told me to roll. Devil he told me to roll, roll, roll…” -Led Zeppelin

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