I have a problem. There have been many times in Jiu-Jitsu where the first time I submitted someone was the last time I ever saw them. Now, I really can’t say if those two things are related, or that I have the power to make people quit, but the possibility bothers me. Almost everyone I’ve ever tapped out has stopped training.
That is one of the reasons I’m reluctant to roll with white belts, or to tap them out when I do. I usually only have a very small window of opportunity to even successfully submit most new students (before they learn too much!), but I don’t really feel like I should.
Although it doesn’t happen very often, I’ve also had white belts get angry towards me after I submitted them. Not because I was being a jerk or anything like that, but simply because it happened. Bear in mind that I am a small, middle-aged woman, and I think many of them feel as though I should be easy to beat (because they are bigger, and/or stronger, and/or men), despite the fact that I’m a blue belt, and I’ve been training for almost five years.
I think I can safely say that out of the blue belts at Lincoln BJJ, I have been tapped out the most. That is what happens (often multiple times!) every time I roll with almost everyone in the advanced class (and it’s been going on for years!). Although I don’t get submitted by white belts as often anymore, it’s probably happened to me more than anyone else there. So, I personally know that if you can’t handle being submitted, maybe you shouldn’t be training Jiu-Jitsu anyway, and I try to remind myself that someone’s ego is not my problem, but it’s still hard to deal with. I’m aware that when I’m tapping I’m learning, but it’s hard for me to apply that lesson to someone else.
Am I too nice? Am I worrying about this too much? Is it stupid for me to feel bad about it? I guess I’m just used to being the nail, and I’m not comfortable being the hammer.