Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Before I met my husband, for about an eight year period of my life, I was involved in relationships with abusive men.  I’m not going to talk about it, but I dealt with some really messed up things.  Once I was safe with Joe, my way of dealing with the pain of what I went through was to almost completely shut myself off from the rest of the world, so as to never be hurt again, physically or emotionally.

Now I have chosen to let people try to hurt me.  I share some of my most personal feelings of insecurity and fear on the internet for the whole world to see.  I train Jiu-Jitsu and Karate, allowing myself to be physically dominated by men on a regular basis, and I frequently test myself by competing.  I have opened myself up, exposed my flaws, and accepted the possibility that I may be judged negatively.

So, if it makes you feel better about yourself to put me down, then go ahead and do it, I can take it.  There is nothing that can hurt me bad enough to make me give up my struggle to be free.  A big part of my journey has been about escaping from a self-imposed prison that was brought on by letting others hurt and control me, and I’m not about to go back now.  I won’t be held down by those who would rather judge my weaknesses than face their own.

“Knock me down, it’s all in vain, I’ll get right back on my feet again”.


2 comments on “Hit Me With Your Best Shot

  1. I don't agree that you should let others put you down. I get what you are saying but I wonder about the next step in your journey being to tell someone that you don't deserve to be put down and believe it.

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