Before I met my husband, for about an eight year period of my life, I was involved in relationships with abusive men. I’m not going to talk about it, but I dealt with some really messed up things. Once I was safe with Joe, my way of dealing with the pain of what I went through was to almost completely shut myself off from the rest of the world, so as to never be hurt again, physically or emotionally.
Now I have chosen to let people try to hurt me. I share some of my most personal feelings of insecurity and fear on the internet for the whole world to see. I train Jiu-Jitsu and Karate, allowing myself to be physically dominated by men on a regular basis, and I frequently test myself by competing. I have opened myself up, exposed my flaws, and accepted the possibility that I may be judged negatively.
So, if it makes you feel better about yourself to put me down, then go ahead and do it, I can take it. There is nothing that can hurt me bad enough to make me give up my struggle to be free. A big part of my journey has been about escaping from a self-imposed prison that was brought on by letting others hurt and control me, and I’m not about to go back now. I won’t be held down by those who would rather judge my weaknesses than face their own.
“Knock me down, it’s all in vain, I’ll get right back on my feet again”.