Avalanche

Today during our “Ethridge Jiu-Jitsu class”, Amy made the comment that she didn’t know how Joe and I live together, judging by the amount of bickering that was going on. Okay, I admit it, it was mostly me complaining about him. Amy thinks I have a mental block when it comes to Joe, because I have a self-defeating attitude when I’m working with him. For some reason, I get very frustrated. It’s like rolling with a rock, or rather, a bunch of rocks. Rocks that move, and move fast…it’s like grappling with an avalanche!

I know that he’s not trying to use strength against me, he’s just so strong that I often feel trapped, even when I’m not.  I feel like I can’t move, so I just stop moving, instead of figuring out an intelligent way to deal with it.  I have grappled with all different kinds of people, some who were almost three times my size, and I have never felt as hopeless as I sometimes do when I work with Joe.

I can actually do pretty well (and even submit him), as long as I don’t allow my mind to get in the way.  When I forget that it’s him, and just do what I do, it goes much better for me, but that’s difficult when it’s just the two of us for an entire class.  I have a hard time keeping my emotions in check when I’m working with him, and he is the only person who I have become so annoyed with that I got up and walked away from in the middle of a roll.

However, what happens on the mat stays on the mat, so despite how emotional I may get toward Joe at times when we’re working together, it doesn’t affect our relationship.  I know that he is not going to baby me when we’re at the dojo, and I appreciate that.  He pushes me, but he doesn’t go over the line into injuring me, and I know that he just does it to help me improve.  He may bruise me, and crush me, and make me feel like I got steam-rolled when we’re in class, but afterward, when we’re at home, he treats me like a queen.  Sometimes after class he will even take my braids out for me, when I am too tired to lift my arms.  And that, Amy, is how we manage to keep living together! ;)

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