Problem Child

One of the Sensei from the dojo recently said to me that he is not a “father figure”. I told him I didn’t see him that way, and I thought to myself that I didn’t really view anyone except Shihan as such, it’s more like I have a bunch of big brothers. Then I realized that wasn’t true, there is someone else at the dojo who I do kind of see as a father figure; our Judo instructor, The Captain Sensei. The reason for the nickname is because he is an LPD captain, and our women’s Jiu-Jitsu teacher Amy (who used to work with him) always calls him Captain, because she knew him as a captain before she knew him as a sensei, so I started calling him Cap’n Sensei.

Fender bender

A couple of winters ago I was involved in a fender bender in which a woman was following me too closely on icy streets and couldn’t stop when I slowed down to turn, so she rear-ended me. That minor accident totally sucked because her car became hooked on the hitch on the back of my Jeep, and it literally took hours in the freezing cold to get it off! The police officer who responded to the accident, and some helpful McDonald’s workers, tried unsuccessfully to get it unhitched. Since the officer’s name was “Bauer” I figured he would just commandeer a tow truck at gunpoint, but in order to get one to assist someone had to pay for it, and even though it was the other driver’s fault, she had no money, so I had to cough it up or be stuck dragging her car all over town. But I digress…

When I saw Captain Sensei a few days after that, he sternly said to me “So, I saw you got into an accident.” OMG, it was like being interrogated by my father, a dojo sensei, and a police captain all at the same time! What I was thinking was “Why are you all up in my business?!”, but what I said was “I swear it wasn’t my fault!”

SRSK Judo/Jiu-Jitsu seminar
This is from a Judo/Jiu-Jitsu seminar we had in 2008.
That day was the first time I ever did any straight grappling!
The Cap’n is standing to the right of Shihan (who is in the red belt).

The Captain knows I am intimidated by his authoritah (or at least I used to be), so he likes to mess with me by saying crazy things with a completely straight face, so I never know if he’s joking or not. One time I had put a box in the wrong place in the storeroom, and he was very upset that it wasn’t where it was supposed to be, and he asked me “Who put this box here?!” I didn’t say a word, but my guilt must have been apparent, because then he growled “If I ever find out who moved that box, I am going to rip every limb from their body, and it will be very painful!” I’m pretty sure he was just joking about that, because I still have all my limbs, and I am fully confident he could easily disarm and disleg me if he wanted to.

I’ve previously mentioned his efforts to turn me into a Judoka (and my stubborn resistance to them), but I think he has finally given up, because he no longer tries every trick in his extensive book to get me to go to Judo class. Although last week when I was talking to him he did say that he didn’t understand why anyone would want to do Jiu-Jitsu, because it seemed “boring”. I can think of many words to describe Jiu-Jitsu, but boring is one that would never cross my mind! It might be boring to watch if you don’t fully understand what’s happening, but to me grappling is one of the least boring things in the whole entire world!  I was always a rebellious child, and Jiu-Jitsu is “not your father’s martial art”. ;)

The Cap’n Sensei: “Where do you keep your armies?”
Terrified little kid in Judo class: ???
The Cap’n Sensei: “In your sleevies!”

2 comments on “Problem Child

  1. It was hilarious because The Cap'n always seems so damn serious, and the kid did not get the joke at all! It's still not the worst joke I've ever heard, that would be this one:Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?A: Because it was dead.

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