When everyone who lives in your house trains martial arts, it can sometimes lead to interesting conversations. One memorable Ethridge dinner discussion concerned the best way to kill someone with toilet paper…
Joe said he would choke them by stuffing the TP down their throat.
Skyler said she would choke them by wrapping the TP around their neck.
I said I would braid the TP into a rope, and then choke them with that.
Looking at this completely objectively, and with no bias whatsoever, I think it’s obvious I win. Joe’s plan is impractical. Perhaps he could hold someone down long enough to force-feed them TP until they choke, but I don’t think it would work for me. Skyler is on the right track, but I don’t think you could wrap the TP tight enough without it tearing (even if it’s two-ply). With my plan, I just have to ninja up behind them with my TP tourniquet and it’s lights out! Therefore, I believe I deserve the title of “Best Ethridge TP Assassin”.
(Disclaimer: Seriously, this is not serious. The Ethridges do not condone killing anyone with toilet paper (or by any other means). We do not even condone TP’ing houses on Halloween.)