I’m mad at myself today. I’m frustrated that I didn’t grapple during open mat, because I was having a “shy day”, so I was too afraid to ask anyone, and no one asked me (I think they thought I was sitting out). So once again I just watched everyone else doing what I wanted to do. I’m also upset with myself for wanting to ask people for help with things, but being too scared to. Everyone always seems to be busy with someone else, and I don’t want to bother them. I feel like other people in class deserve to be helped more than I do.
I am just all around disgusted with myself right now. It’s like I keep taking two steps forward and one step back when it comes to asking for what I want. I guess taking one step is better than none, but I could be moving forward much faster, and it’s myself that’s holding me back.
Once in elementary school we had a piñata for a special occasion and when it was broken open, all of the other kids made a mad dash for it, but I hung back. It wasn’t because I was scared of jumping in, but because I thought that I should let the other kids get their candy first, and not be greedy and rude. When the kids were done swarming I looked down, and of course there was no candy left. I got nothing.
I’m tired of letting other people eat my candy. I want it, and I want it now.
“And if I don’t get the things I am after, I’m going to screeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEAM.”- Veruca Salt